The QBlog

By - Our collection of funny, funny stuff. So sit back, have a laugh. If your funny bone gets struck enough, consider checking out our online store at! There, too, you'll find free prank and practical joke ideas along with some of our funniest FREE jokes. If we find it funny, we'll highlight it here - including QB's product, prank and promotional updates. Don't forget to mark us as one of your Favorites before you start laughing too hard.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Fun with Ketchup

Ketchup, the Breakfast of Champions!

Arguably ketchup is one of the most popular condiments in the United States. One can hardly go to a picnic, restaurant or open anyone's refrigerator and not find ketchup. And with the industry touting the health benefits of Lycopene found in tomatoes, this condiment continues to grow in popularity.

According to once source we found, Americans are not the leading consumers of this traditional condiment.

ยง Ketchup is a global phenomenon: According to AC Nielsen, the top consumers of ketchup are (litres/capita): Sweden (3.3); Canada and Venezuela (1.4); U.S. (1.1); Germany (1.0); United Kingdom (0.9).

We also found that much fun can be had with ketchup. Traditional pranks include loosening the cap on a ketchup bottle and leaving it on the table in a restaurant - the next patron presumably and naturally will shake the ketchup bottle, and the top will fly off along with the contents creating an unexpected red mess in the process.

The Dare:
"I dare you to pour out half a bottle of ketchup, put 2 tablespoons of baking soda in it, shake it up, and then open the cap in your face." The challenge was taken up by DrewRock on

Tomatoes do contain acids. And we also know that acids and bases, when combined, will create an explosive combination. This basic scientific fact prompted this web site to explore the humorous consequences of mixing ketchup (acid) with baking soda (base). We are lucky enough to be able to witness this through the power of video on the internet.

WARNING - Video does contain potentially objectionable language.

Here is this video ---------> The Ketchup Dare

Squirt Ketchup Prank:
The fake squirting ketchup bottle prank is one of our personal favorites. Last year we brought our squirt ketchup and squirt mustard pranks to our annual family reunion picnic. The set up is easy ... simply place the prank on the condiments table at your next cook-out, step back and let the fun begin. They look like ordinary ketchup or mustard dispensers, however, instead of it containing condiments, it contains a weighted colored string.

When squeezed, the string will shoot out at your mark who will naturally jump back in shock thinking you are spraying them with the staining sauce. The prank gets even better when you control the condiment dispenser, offer your mark some yummy ketchup or mustard and then accidentally squirt it on them. Unbelievably we were able to prank the same mark four times that day! You'd think she would have caught on after the first time, but she didn't. This prank can be used over and over again - unless your mark gets so upset that they keep or otherwise destroy it. If that happens, never fear, we have plenty more.

Ketchup Packets:
Found in abundance at almost any fast food restaurant, ketchup packets can be a good source of entertainment. As teens, we used to take these ketchup packets and place them half way under a person's tire. Place the ketchup pack on the ground in front of a front tire and slide it back tight into the spot where the rubber meets the road. When they go to drive their car, the weight of the tire will cause the ketchup packet to explode sending the red condiment flying. We've heard other reports of people placing these ketchup packets under toilet seats. Place the packet under the toilet seat lid between the porcelain and the spacer as you gently lower the seat back down to its normal position. The idea is when your mark goes to sit down, their weight will cause the packet to explode sending ketchup spraying out onto the back of their legs.

DISCLAIMER - These prank ideas are being presented for entertainment purposes only. QualityBargainz, LLC does not accept any responsibility for the actual use of these pranks. QualityBargainz supports fun, humor and laughter - not physical or mental abuse of any person or animal nor the destruction of personal property. Please act responsibly and use the ideas at your own risk, if at all.

QualityBargainz, LLC

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Online Game: QBz

Keep it Together with QBz

We haven't had as many posts as usual on "The QBlog" lately mainly because I ran across this great puzzle game and have been instantly and totally addicted! You may think that QBz is related to QB and the QBlog because of its name ... but you'd be wrong. This is just a happy coincidence. This game is hosted on MySpace and is FREE to play. Give it a go and be sure to post your high-score in our comment section.

The game is simple to play and very compelling. Don't be surprised if you become as addicted to this online puzzle game as we are. Try not to leave any of the QBz behind in any given round. They get rather upset when they haven't been chosen before the end of the round and cry. Sad but cute.

Here's this game -----------> QBz


QBz is an exciting and fast-paced puzzle game featuring animated characters and fun sound effects. Players score points by clearing the board of QBz (colored blocks) within the set time limit. Click on groups of two or more adjacent QBz to earn points, and when you clear the entire board, you'll receive a time bonus and a board clearing bonus.

QBz is played in ten rounds, and the rounds work as follows:
Round 1 - 20 seconds to clear 16 QBz
Round 2 - 25 seconds to clear 25 QBz
Round 3 - 35 seconds to clear 36 QBz
Round 4 - 30 seconds to clear 36 QBz
Round 5 - 40 seconds to clear 49 QBz
Round 6 - 35 seconds to clear 49 QBz
Round 7 - 50 seconds to clear 64 QBz
Round 8 - 45 seconds to clear 64 QBz
Round 9 - 60 seconds to clear 81 QBz
Round 10 - 55 seconds to clear 81 QBz

For each level, you will be able to use three special moves. Special moves mix up the QBz by moving them clockwise, counterclockwise, or by mixing up all the QBz on the screen. These moves may or may not help you create matching groups of QBz.

Tips and Tricks

Don't click on the QBz indiscriminatelyy, there is a 10 point penalty for clicking on QBz that are not adjacent to a same color block.

Look for large clusters of same color QBz. The point bonus for large clusters is significant. A cluster of 4 or 5 QBz of the same color scores significantly more points than a cluster of 2 or 3.

Speed is very important too. First, you don't want to run out of time and leave potential points on the board. Second, you get a speed bonus for finishing the round quickly. And third, if you don't click on a special move quickly enough when there are no adjoining same-color QBz, your round could end before you get a chance to try to get 'em together.

Try not to leave single QBz of any color on the board. Consider using your special moves to regroup colors. You get a special bonus for clearing all the QBz in any given round.

QualityBargainz, LLC

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Video: Bad Idea - Dancing Butt Crack

All the Wrong Moves
This plumber's son has all the wrong moves. And we sincerely apologize for posting the phrase "butt crack" ... but, you know ... it IS a butt crack. We call 'em like we see 'em. If we have to see 'em that is.

Video: Bad Idea - Chopping Wood

Safety First, Gentlemen
With the cost of natural gas spiking this winter, people are turning to alternative fuel sources. Safety should always be the most important consideration. Don't make the same mistake this guy made.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Online Game: Paintball

Lock and Load, It Will Only Sting for a Minute.

You know it is the thrill of the hunt, and not the kill, that gets your blood really pumping. Paintball offers all the excitement of hunting humans but without any of the murder convictions. QBlog in no way supports or condones the real hunting of humans. Paintball on the other hand .... lock and load.

This is a killer online paintball flash game that pits you against a number of opponents. Be ready for them when they peak out to shoot you, you only have so much health. Build up your strength by shooting armor and health packs. But don't take your eye off that empty window. You never know when someone is going to lean out and pop you.

Here's this game ----------> Paintball the game
QualityBargainz, LLC

Friday, January 06, 2006

Start Your Own "Robot Fund"

You may one day be able to buy your own trained pet robot.

Imagine having your very own robot that you could train to run your errands and do your chores. Try it, you'll like it. Just kick back, close your eyes, and imagine a humanoid appliance at your beck and call.

Pet Robot
I have always wanted my very own pet robot to do my chores and take care of other unwelcome tasks. Back in college, the housemates set up "The Monkey Fund." Everyone had their chore schedule to keep. If you missed your chore deadline, you had to throw some money into "The Monkey Fund."

The idea back then was that with as few chores that actually got done around the house, the messiest of us should contribute the most toward the purchase of a trained monkey. This trained monkey would then be able to pick up the slack around the house and make sure all of our chores were done. It's all quite logical actually.

In reality, we used those funds to purchase the household cleaning products and other common items. You would have thought that with the few chores done there would be large amounts of fines and not much spent on cleaning products ... but if I recall correctly, we counted beer as a common household item making its funding eligible from "The Monkey Fund." Therefore "The Monkey Fund" never accumulated to such an amount as to make researching the cost and availability of this desired trained monkey worth the effort.

"Robot Fund"
With the technology changes in full swing and us masters of the microchip, owning your own trained robot may one day be a reality. Set up your own "Robot Fund" today if you haven't already, because the day where trained worker robots are as common in the home as the TV is now, well that day is just around the corner. Forget about the trained monkey ... that's old school. A trained robot is where it's at.

QualityBargainz, LLC

Monday, January 02, 2006

Funny Sayings about Cold

Funny Sayings about Cold Weather"It's colder than ... "

Who among you truly loves cold weather? I'm not seeing any hands in the air. Maybe because it is too cold and your arms have frozen to your sides. More likely, however, you don't like cold weather any more than the rest of us. Or maybe it is because I cannot see you from this side of the computer monitor.

Sure we love the changing of the seasons, the scenic beauty of fresh fallen snow, sledding, skiing and the convenience of keeping your ice cold beer on the back patio ... but there are times when it is simply too cold. So we've started collecting euphemisms for cold weather:

1. It's colder than a witch's teat.

2. It's colder than a well digger's ass.

3. It's colder than a golddigger's heart.

4. It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere.

5. It's colder than a fart in a dead Eskimo.

6. It's colder than Saddam's current toilet seat.

7. It's colder than Ted William's head.

8. It's colder than a mother-in-law's kiss.

9. It's colder than Jack Frost's toes after he skates on an icy pond.

10. It's colder than a brass toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg.

11. It's colder than a penguin's pecker.

12. It's so cold the dogs are sticking to the fire hydrants.

13. It's colder than a polar bear's butt.

14. It's colder than a witch's belt buckle.

15. It's colder than Chris Cringle's jockstrap.

16. It's colder than a grave digger's shovel.

17. It's colder than a mortician's mistress.

18. It's colder than a day-old dumpling.

19. It's colder than skinny dipping in a snow storm.

20. It's colder than in a freezer Antarctica.

21. It's colder than the end of an Eskimo's tool.

22. It's colder than a room full of ex-wives.

23. It's colder than a bucket of snowman piss.

24. It is so cold even property taxes are frozen.

25. It is so cold my boogers are freezing together.

26. It is cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

27. It is so cold my cat climbs into the refrigerator just to warm up.

28. It is so cold Bill Clinton is sleeping with his own wife.

29. It is so cold snowmen are migrating south.

30. It is so cold I could cut glass with my nipples.

31. It is so cold it feels like I'm breathing liquid oxygen.

32. It is so cold my campfire froze.

33. It is so cold even the dog wanted a cup of coffee.

34. It is so cold my eyelids froze shut.

35. It is so cold hookers were giving free blow jobs just to get something warm in their stomachs.

36. It is so cold I'm using an icetray as a heating pad.

37. It is so cold my sweaters need sweaters.

38. It is so cold even global warming tree-huggers are wearing hats and mittens.

39. It is so cold the polar bears are shivering.

40. It is so cold you can toss a cup of hot water in the air and hear it shatter into ice crystals.

41. It is so cold I had to turn off the air conditioner.

42. It is so cold my teeth froze together.

43. It is so cold when I pee outside you can see the Golden Arches.

44. It is so cold my heartburn is cured.

45. It is so cold the "shrinkage" gave me a man-gina.

46. It is so cold my butt cheeks have stuck together.

47. It is so cold Monica Lewinsky has just been blowing on her hands.

48. It is so cold in New York the hookers in Times Square are giving out flannel condoms.

49. It is so cold people are huddling around Jennifer Lopez, because they heard she was packing heat.

50. It is so cold that even the squirrels had thermal underwear.

51. It was so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs.

52. It was so cold the eye doctor was giving away free ice scrapers with every purchase of a new pair of eyeglasses.

53. It was so cold squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at electric fences.

54. It was so cold Grandpa's teeth were chattering . . . in the glass!

55. It was so cold teenagers stopped worrying about acne. The new problem . . . goosepimples.

56. It was so cold I chipped a tooth on my soup.

57. It was so cold when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

58. It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii.

59. It was so cold down at the city morgue, you couldn't tell the stiffs from the guys who worked there.

60. It was so cold we had to kick a hole in the air just to get outside.

61. It was so cold my moustache shattered when I laughed.

62. It was so cold tea cozies were being used for things that tea cozies should never be used for.

63. It was so cold we had to salt the hallway.

64. It was so cold when I turned on the shower - I got hail.

65. It was so cold the mice were playing hockey in the toilet bowl.

66. It was so cold we had an ice-fishing shack in the bathtub.

67. It was so cold we had lunch down at the "Greasy Spoon" - just for the heartburn.

68. It was so cold our aquarium didn't need any glass. The downside? The fish were motionless.

69. It was so cold worms were sticking out of the ground like sticks.

70. It was so cold when Dad tried to sneak upstairs to bed, the crunching sound under his feet would wake us up.

71. It was so cold my shadow froze to the ground, and when I took a step it snapped right off.

72. It was so cold the politicians stopped blowing hot air.

73. It was so cold if you made an ugly face, it really did stay that way.

74. It was so cold sitting on that smoldering compost heap wasn't all that bad.

75. It was so cold the winner of the ice sculpture contest was disqualified when it was discovered he WAS the sculpture.

76. It was so cold we thought Grandpa had grown a beard, but it turned out to be just an icicle of frozen drool.

77. It was so cold kids were telling the most outrageous lies just hoping their pants would catch on fire.

78. It was so cold we couldn't go outside for weeks at a time, and we were hoping that cabin fever would raise our body temperature.

79. It was so cold Scotsmen started wearing pants.

80. It was so cold that when I tried to take the garbage out, it didn't want to go.

81. It was so cold my car wouldn't run and my nose wouldn't stop.

82. It was so cold the flame froze on the candle, so I threw it outside. When it thawed out in the spring, it started a forest fire.

83. It was so cold you could tell how much someone had been crying by the length of the icicles on their cheeks.

84. It was so cold firemen couldn't convince people to get out of their houses when they caught fire.

85. It is cold enough to freeze the balls off of a pool table.

Do you have any to add? Which were your favorite? Post your comments.

QualityBargainz, LLC